What are Some Good Job Interviewing Tips?

These 5 job interviewing tips can help you, no matter what kind of job you interview for.

Job interviewing tips don’t have to be new, earth-shattering information, in order for you to benefit from them.

When you’re a job applicant on a search for steady, full time employment, you want to do all you can to make a good impression when you go on your interviews.

One of those company’s job interviewer will probably end up deciding who your future employer will be. The interviewer has a lot of power.

But you as the job applicant can learn to have a lot more influence over whether or not you get hired. You can increase your odds of securing a job, no matter what kind of job you’re interviewing for.

All you have to do is remember the 5 job interview tips that I discuss further down the page.

Prepare for Interviews

Before we start counting down the 5 useful tips that can help on an interview, I want to mention some basics that we often overlook. A huge oversight can often be the failure to properly prepare for interviews.

Let’s face it, job interviews can be extremely nerve wracking for most folks. Even when the interviewer is not all that intimidating, we can still get stuck when giving a response.

Not because you don’t have an answer, but simply because you weren’t prepared, so you don’t give a meaningful answer.

A job interview shouldn’t just be about getting a company to like you, it should also be about getting a company you like.

One common mistake that I used to make when interviewing for various jobs, was forgetting to check the company out, at the same time they were checking me out.

2-Way Job Interviews

We sometimes forget that job interviews are 2-way. A job interview shouldn’t just be about getting a company to like you, it should also be about getting a company you like.

That means you should be just as interested in what they have to offer, and not simply the salary and company benefits.

Making an effort to find out about a company will benefit you in more than one way. Even though the thought of doing this sounds tedious, don’t put it off!

“When you procrastinate, you might feel better on the short-term, but you will suffer in the long-term.”

If you take some time to do a little research on the company you plan on interviewing for, you won’t regret it. Don’t just think about looking the company up; actually do it.

In the past, I used to tell myself not to forget to research potential employers. But all I did was procrastinate until the last minute, and before I knew it, I was sitting in the interview, basically unprepared.

On more than one occasion, I experienced what Darius Foroux talked about in his Medium story about procrastination and the negative results. According to Forous, “When you procrastinate, you might feel better on the short-term, but you will suffer in the long-term.”

Doing your homework on a company you plan to work for might help you land the job. It might also prevent you from accepting a job that you feel the need to walk away from later.

Researching the Job

Truly researching the job can be a big advantage for you. A good way to find out more about the company is to have some probing questions in mind for the interviewer.

Don’t ask questions that are generic in nature and are probably common knowledge about the company. I had to learn this lesson over and over again.

I’ve always been good at small talk, so I know how to engage in conversation, but that isn’t the purpose of an interview. On the Medium.com website I sometimes write for, I read what one writer named DJ Chung wrote. In his piece titled: How to make it easy for others to help you in your job search, he made an interesting point. Chung mentioned how:

“…a back and forth exchange can lead to a mutually beneficial relationship rather than a one time interaction.”

Job Interview Demeanor

Be careful, and watch your demeanor on the interview. Although you don’t want to be overbearing and take control of the interview, you shouldn’t feel shy about asking legitimate questions about your future place of employment.

I used to always find myself clamming up on job interviews, particularly when the interviewer threw me a thought provoking question that I didn’t expect.

But eventually, I began to realize that the same few questions were often being asked by all the interviewers, even though they were simply worded differently.

I dissected the questions, in order to narrow down the main focus of what they were asking and determined what the interviewers wanted.

Then, I made myself some mental footnotes as an extension of my resume. The 5 tips below are what I concluded to be the most helpful points to remember for job interviewing.

5 Job Interview Tips

This advice can help, regardless of what type of job that you are interviewing for.

1 Do not pad your resume so that it contains a long list of “experience” that you clearly do not have. Some people think it’s okay to lie about your work experience, in order to get a job, but if you can’t really perform the work, what is the point?

Don’t bomb an interview by lying and trying to make yourself look better. The job interviewer can usually tell when you lie about a job related question.

2 Be prepared to share information about your past contributions to the previous companies you worked for. In other words, give EXAMPLES of how your actions contributed to the value and betterment of your previous employers.

If you cite 3 employers on your resume, have 3 examples prepared.

3 Remember to be YOURSELF and allow your true personality to shine through. Employers are looking to hire confident people who are comfortable with themselves and others.

Let them see who you are, and make them aware of how eager you are to learn what you don’t already know!

4 Have your own questions prepared (in mind), and ask the meaningful questions that don’t relate to salary and company benefits.

If they haven’t already asked where you see yourself in the company, in 5-years, tell them anyway.

5 Don’t badmouth your former company, boss, or even your former co-workers, no matter what; even if the interviewer seems like they might be sympathetic to your previous situation.


These 5 interview tips may sound too simple to be effective. But believe it or not, heeding the advice contained in this material could actually be the key to your acing an interview and landing the job you desire.

How Can Controlling Your Emotions Safeguard Your Relationships?

Learning how to control your temper will help improve your relationship skills.

I used to be a total hothead. Because my astrological sign is Taurus the bull, my family often made comments about how bullheaded I was, or how I would swell up like a bull whenever I got mad.

Do you ever find that you have a hard time holding your temper? Perhaps you know someone that always has a tendency to fly off the handle and say the wrong thing whenever they are mad.

All of us either know someone like this, or God forbid, we may actually be that person. Whatever the case, it is important to fully understand why we should even bother with controlling our emotions.

Stop Making Excuses

I had to learn how to stop making excuses for always losing my temper and if this is your problem, so do you. Loss of control is exactly the type of behavior that can lead to much more than just a lovers’ quarrel.

Failing to control ones’ emotions has led to many break ups, divorces, even violent crimes within a relationship. That includes marriages, friendships, families, and romantic involvements.

“That’s just them”. No doubt you’ve heard this said about the loud mouth who everyone knows is going to end up “going off”. No matter how much this type of behavior may be a part of their personality; this is definitely not the way to handle a bad situation. In fact, it can only make matters worse!

Being a hothead is definitely not the way to hold on to the people you care about.

As long as we are living and breathing, disagreements with other people will occur. That is why it is so important to learn how to deal with them properly. It may not even be the actual incident that causes a problem to escalate, but rather, the way people react to the incident.

When you fail to get control of your feelings, you can cause a minor incident to get completely out of hand.

Safeguard Relationships

One of the biggest reasons to start controlling your emotions is because it can help to safeguard your relationships. Believe me when I say that I personally had to learn this the hard way.

Learn how to let things cool down when arguments occur. Don’t allow a loss of self-control to end up ruining your relationships. There is lots of help, both online and off, for those who want to learn how to manage their anger.

Remember, there is always a right way to handle anger, and losing your temper with loved ones is NOT it. You can start with these 6 tips to help control your emotions:

TIPS to keep in mind:

1 Do your best to stay calm and don’t allow yourself to be swept up in your emotions. Instead of concentrating on how you FEEL, focus more on the actual situation so you can use sound reasoning.

2 If emotions are running too high, go take a little walk so you can distance yourself, not just from the person involved, but also from the problem.

3 Take the time to listen and really hear what the other person is saying. Remember, they may be speaking from the emotions that THEY are caught up in, so you don’t want to end up fanning the flames.

4 Be sure that you have properly conveyed your own thoughts and feelings to the other person without using negative emotions to do it.

5 Take the time to identify the EXACT problem and try hard to see it from the other person’s perspective.

6 If the mood isn’t too heated, discuss solutions to whatever the problem is, as well as the possible consequences of those solutions (so the cure doesn’t turn into another argument 🙂


Since communication is a vital key in any relationship, it is important that you gain control of your emotions when problems arise. Doing this will help you with the people in your life.

When you come to a meeting of the minds, you can handle any of life’s little disagreements. All it takes is controlling your emotions.

Is it Wrong to Feel Pride When You Succeed?

Being proud about a job well done is healthy and acceptable behavior.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sense of pride when you succeed at something and you get a positive outcome. Some people view pride as an emotion that we can do without, but that’s just not so.

Just like most things in the world, pride is an emotion that people can tend to go overboard with, in one way or another. Some people get beside themselves and become too proud, while others may misinterpret the Bible’s warning about pride.

Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.

Proverbs 16:5

Those people who advocate against pride, will typically cite scriptures like the above one taken from the book of Proverbs. There are actually tons of scriptures that speak about this feeling or emotion.

But the truth of the matter is, it can really be used in a good or bad sense. The pride that I’m referring to in this post has reference to a feeling of accomplishment, after succeeding at something positive.

Pride and Success

When you think about it, pride and success tend to go hand-in-hand. Does that mean that it’s automatically wrong to succeed? Of course not. But surely, succeeding at something bad or negative is a different story.

You might be a successful liar, or thief, or maybe even a murderer. Clearly, that’s not a positive case of being successful, and it’s nothing to be proud of. But successfully accomplishing something productive or noble would be.

Once you accept that it is sometimes okay to have a sense of pride, then you will begin to feel like you found a key to accomplishing more in your life. There is no greater feeling than that WOW feeling you get when you succeed at something!

You know the feeling I mean; it’s a combination of pride, joy, relief, satisfaction, and even a touch of smugness.

Of course you are proud, and you have a right to be (minus the smuggness)! Succeeding at something often requires more than one, two, or even three tries. When you finally get it right and things finally come together, you can’t help but feel pride in yourself.

Positive Pride and Joy

That feeling of positive pride can quickly lead to joy — the elation that comes from a job well done! You’re relieved that you did it and even in a timely way, so the feeling of incompleteness is a load off your shoulders.

The feeling of success is definitely worth any legitimate efforts that we put forth to win. But it is about more than simply the good feeling that comes from winning, but about knowing that you won fair and square.

This is one aspect of success that determined people sometimes take for granted, or forget altogether. Make sure when you succeed, you succeed with honor.

Having succeeded, then you can feel satisfied as well as justified! Then, all that you can think to say is WOW! The little bit of smugness is for those who had no faith; they didn’t really think that you’d succeed.

So you can feel good knowing that you proved the skeptics wrong while they all sit back and look and say to themselves, Wow!

What Defines Happiness in Life And How Does Worry Interfere with Happiness?

Defining happiness requires considering the affect that worry can have on a happy life.

The definition of happiness and the answer to how to live a happy life is a popular question, though most people don’t want to know the REAL answer.

The last thing they (meaning you and me, and every damn body else) want to hear is that the true definition of happiness and how to find it is actually INSIDE US.

See what I mean? I can already see you reaching for the mouse and about to click away to something else. BUT WAIT.

Why Happiness Within?

I know what you’re thinking; “why the happiness within routine?” Were you hoping to hear some magical B.S. about a happiness pill, that perhaps you could even run out and buy, or better yet, order on Amazon?

Real happiness doesn’t work like that, and if it does, it doesn’t work for long.

Just think for a moment. Isn’t it much better to know that YOU are the one who is in charge of your happiness? In fact, once you learn more about this, and how to tap into making yourself more happy, you won’t need anything else.

Indulge me for a moment, and consider my particular perspective in the next few paragraphs, and maybe you’ll find a new way to look at being happy. If not, you can always find a definition and solution more to your liking; whatever makes you happy 🙂

Worry Hates Happy

In case you didn’t already know it, worry hates happy, and the two cannot coexist. When I look at the photo of the statue called the “Thinker,” it makes me wonder what was really on his mind. Could it be that he was worried?

I never bothered to learn the history of how the statue came about, but he sure looks like a man with a ton of problems. Scroll back to the top of the page and see what I mean.

No doubt, he had some of the same issues we face today, like the stress of family, finances, and how to spend the rest of our lives.

If money worries, relationships and other areas in life are causing you stress, this is in direct opposition to your happiness. You can’t allow yourself to be burdend down, to the point that there’s no room for happiness in your life.

Worry Less in Life

One of the best ways for you to worry less in life is to always try and focus your time and attention on something else; something positive.

When you learn how to keep yourself busy every day, with things that bring you joy, you’ll quickly forget about all those nagging negative thoughts.

That doesn’t mean you’ll forget about them altogether, or that you’ll start to get neglectful. It simply means that you start to learn how to compartmentalize things in a logical way.

You can begin by occupying your thoughts with a series of little pieces of happiness, scattered throughout your day.

When you really give it some thought, determining what things bring you joy is not that difficult to do.

Once you discover how to be happy every day, any issue that you haven’t found a way to resolve yet can be placed on a back burner until you have a solution.

Try Focused Happiness

So the first thing that needs to happen in order for you to worry less is for you to figure out how to make yourself happy. Not just a general, vague, overall sense of happiness, but focused happiness.

Believe it or not, having something to focus on and look forward to during the course of your daily routine can bring you more joy than you know.

It could be something as small or insignificant as allowing yourself a special snack treat (but only if you’re not already worried about your diet).

This may all sound a little too good to be true and you probably doubt if it actually works to help eliminate worry. Well, you’ll never know for sure, unless you give it a try.

But first, you have to know what kind of things in life actually make you happy. Do you?

Make Yourself Happy

If you are one of the countless individuals that is always “looking” for happiness, your constant searching could be a primary reason why you feel so miserable or discontent. My motivational, self-help ebook (“Several Simple Solutions) had this to say on the subject:

“Happiness is one of the most elusive feelings in the world, and many people have a hard time finding it. But can happiness really and truly be FOUND if you search hard enough? LOOKING for happiness is a big part of the problem of why many of us never experience happiness.

Just like most people, I was once under the impression that happiness is something that you’re supposes to discover, or find. When you live your life, always waiting to FIND happiness, it seems to become more and more unattainable.

You no more have a chance of “finding” happiness, than you do of stumbling onto and discovering a rare gem or a huge sum of money (and you know what the chances of that happening are).

Does that mean you’ll never be happy in life because the odds of “finding” happiness are too great? Of course not! In fact, you, me, and everyone in the world can be happy every single day, once you learn how to create your own happiness.

Don’t sit around waiting to find happiness, or hoping it will fall into your lap. Start learning how to create your own happiness and you’ll be happy every day.”

5 Steps to Happiness

Now, let’s go a little further and consider 5 steps to a happier you. Set aside some time in your schedule to do a simple little exercise.

Since you have the power to create your own happiness, you will need to sit down and give some real thought to what it is that makes you happy. What activities (large or small) do you derive joy from?

Obviously, some of the things that make you happy are not as attainable as other things. But, there still has to be lots of things that you can derive happiness from, even if you don’t currently enjoy those things right now.

Before you get started with the exercise, you can do some brainstorming, and simply write whatever comes to your mind.

Include everything from the simplest activity, to the most far-fetched. When you get ready to perform the following exercise, focus on things that truly make you happy and select five entries from your brainstorm list.

You can begin by taking the following steps:

1 Take a piece of paper and draw vertical lines on it, making 3 columns

2 In one column, list 5 activities that you really enjoy doing.

3 In the 2nd column, next to each activity, list obstacles that stop you from enjoying that activity

4 In the 3rd column, next to each obstacle, list what you can do to completely eliminate it

5 Finally, select ONE activity and begin taking steps to remove the obstacles that prevent you from enjoying your selection

Oddly enough, your list may actually contain some activities that you still enjoy, but you stopped doing them without a good reason.

But even if you stopped doing something because you had a good reason, perhaps that reason is no longer an obstacle. If it is, maybe you can eliminate or work around the obstacle.

Maybe you used to love to go bowling or skating or take long walks in the park, but for one reason or another you no longer do any of those things.

It’s not that you stopped enjoying these simple little activities, it’s just that you simply stopped doing them. But finding a way to resume doing them on a regular basis can be enjoyable, as well as therapeutic.

Once you get to the stage where you go back to enjoying the first activity from your list, you’ll see how happy it makes you. Not only have you found a way to resume what you love, but you also feel a sense of accomplishment when you check off the activity.

This will motivate you to move on to another activity on the list. In fact, don’t stop working on your list, until you’re able to enjoy all those things that make you happy. When you’re done, be sure to make another list and continue creating your own happiness.


In the Medium article titled: “How To Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind,” writer George J. Ziogas had this to say on the subject:

“Don’t expect to see immediate changes — occasionally that can happen, but more often it takes time.”

He stated this fact, in order to emphasize that certain changes in life will require being consistent and persistent in your efforts.

This is equally true when it comes to learning how to worry less about problems, and focus more on being happy. But just like anything else in life, practice makes perfect, so keep practicing how to be happy every single day.

How Can Writing Be a Form of Creative Healing When You’re a Victim of Abuse?

Both fiction writing, and journal writing can help purge painful memories of abuse.

Oftentimes, former victims of abuse find it hard to talk about the emotional pain they still feel. When this happens, there are various writing methods a person can try, to help them find at least a degree of healing,

Here’s how that works. All writing can basically be considered as creative, even when it’s not fiction writing; and different types of creativity can be employed, in order to help people heal.

In this way, you can help yourself learn to gradually feel better and heal, whether you write in a journal every day, or your writing consists of short stories or other works of fiction.

Healing Victims of Abuse?

Sometimes, life deals people a really crappy hand, and all you can do is play the cards that you’re dealt. This was true for me as a kid, just like it was for lots of other unfortunate children who grow up in foster care.

Kids like us were no strangers to abuse, both before and after entering the system.

Physical, and even verbal abuse can both have side effects, but sexual abuse can often do the most emotional damage; damage that no one can see with the naked eye.

This is especially true if the victim never confided or told anyone; thus was never really able to find healing.

Seeking Survival Strategies

Sufferers from abuse must have effective survival strategies, in order to cope with the emotional aftermath.

These “survival strategies” amount to finding different ways just to live with yourself. For me personally, writing is one of the best and most effective ways.

No matter who the abuser was and how long the abuse lasted, just because you were able to move on doesn’t mean that you’re truly okay. In fact, in many ways, you may never be okay.

The best that most survivors can ever dare hope for is a healthy coping mechanism. For a lot of us survivors, that coping mechanism is (or can be) writing.

Sometimes, adults who were victims of abuse can find the true healing they need, by articulating their pain through writing. I found this to be true in my own case, and I firmly believe that others can do the same.

It’s really liberating, expressing yourself and your pain, through some form of creativity. Even though it doesn’t necessarily have to be writing, and some other creative activity might do, writing is an excellent way to purge yourself.

Journal Writing Fear

When I first started journal writing, I was timid and too afraid to write what I was really feeling. Even though I knew I had absolutely no plans for anyone else to read what I wrote, I still censored myself for a long time.

It took months for me to finally get comfortable with the idea of jotting down precisely what was on my mind.

Eventually, journal writing allowed me to clear my head of private thoughts that made me anxious or full of negative energy. I began regurgitating all those bad memories that secretly haunted my subconscious, just like demons in my sleep.

Before I knew it, I was writing about things buried so deep in my mind that I never even knew they were there. I guess you could say I kind of underwent a form of hypnosis through my writing.

It would still take several years before I really started sharing my truth, but thanks to journaling, the healing process had begun.

Fiction Brings Freedom

My love for words and books has always been evident; in school when I was young, and also when I got older and became a journalism major.

But none of the writing that I did back then ever compared to the eventual freedom I felt after publishing my second novel, “Skipping Childhood: From Abused Foster Child to Adolescent Serial Killer.

While using my creativity and writing a work of fiction, I took the opportunity to inject some actual childhood events. This helped add authenticity to the type of story I was crafting.

Gradually, I was able to open up about quite a few painful and very personal experiences. Since releasing my book in 2014, more and more, I’ve been able to write about difficult topics, and not even hiding behind fiction to do it.

Revealing my truth through fiction finally brought me a sense of freedom from the past. It propelled me down the road to recovery and true healing. But you don’t have to have a painful past of child abuse to be in need of some kind of healing.

Your pain may stem from someone or something else, that you haven’t been able to totally recover from. Perhaps writing about it can help.

Give Writing a Try

If you’re intimidated by the idea of putting your deepest and darkest secrets down on paper (or a computer screen), why not start off simple. First get used to writing your thoughts and ideas that are not so dark or secret, merely just private thoughts.

Try hard not to censor yourself. It’s won’t be easy, but you have got to get used to the idea of writing like no one will read what you write (because after all, no one really has to).

The more you write, the easier it will start to get. Don’t bother trying to go over what you write, at least not anytime soon. You should not allow yourself to get stuck on going over your words and editing your “freestyle” work.

The whole point of this type of therapeutic writing is to get it out, not to read it; not even to share it, but simply to get it out.

There’s no better time than the present to start writing to emancipate yourself. Don’t plan what you will say or think about it, just write. Don’t underestimate the power of writing. It might just be the type of creative healing you need.

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How Can You Save More Money On Fruits and Vegetables?

You can save more money when you take better care of the fruits and vegetables you eat.

The following paragraphs will provide some valuable money-saving tips about handling your fruits and vegetables. Even if the information is not completely new to you, why not get reacquainted with the facts about properly handling produce.

Fruits and Vegetable Blues

For many years, I used to constantly get the fruits and vegetable blues. Under ripe, over ripe, and spoiled produce, all used to be the bane of my existence!

For one reason or another, no matter how hard I tried, I found myself throwing produce away. But the day finally came when I put my foot down. I made it my business to learn what I could do on the subject.

Now, after years of wasting money, I take better care of the fruits and vegetables I eat and I’m happy to share what I learned.

Proper Handling of Produce

To have a healthy diet, you need to know how to use proper care in handling fruits and vegetables. Buying good produce and properly transporting it is an essential part of whether or not it will actually end up being healthy for you.

Around the time in my life when I first became concerned, I was determined to pick better produce. But later, as I really began to see what I was doing wrong, I noticed that a lot of my bad behavior started before I even got my produce home.

Do you know how to maintain the quality fruits and vegetables you buy, or do you ruin them before they make it to your kitchen, the way I used to do?

Fruits and vegetables supply us with vitamins, fiber, minerals and other phytochemicals that promote good health. But all too often, people tend to ruin the nutritional value that they would otherwise be getting.

This is mostly due to improper care and handling, at the grocery store, on the trip home from the store, and yes, even in your own kitchen.

First and foremost, you have to start recognizing and purchasing quality fruits and vegetables to begin with. Then you must know how to transport them safely to your kitchen.

How to Recognize Quality Produce

… it is always best to buy produce that has been kept on ice or refrigerated to maintain the proper temperature.

Purchasing the best quality fruits and vegetables amounts to recognizing the difference between good and bad produce. The way to do this is by choosing produce that isn’t bruised or shriveled, not to mention slimy on the outside.

These types of damaged goods can create and carry bacteria that is harmful to the body. Bacteria typically grows slowly at temperatures that fall below 40ºF.

So it is always best to buy produce that has been kept on ice or refrigerated to maintain the proper temperature.

…meats, poultry and fish should be packed and bagged separately at the check stand.

When grocery shopping, a good practice is to add the fruits and vegetables (as well as other perishables) to the shopping cart last. This will allow them to stay cool up until the moment you purchase and transport them home.

Fish, meat and poultry should always be kept in plastic bags in your grocery basket. The juices from these items must never be allowed to drip onto your fruits and vegetables. Salmonella poisoning is one harmful bacteria that can result from this kind of mishandling.

For sanitation purposes, meats, poultry and fish should be packed and bagged separately at the check stand.

Properly Transporting Fruits and Vegetables

It may be hard to believe, but even the short trip from the grocery store to your kitchen could be potentially harmful to your fruits and vegetables. This is especially so in this summertime, when the temperature inside a vehicle can be exceptionally high.

If your schedule doesn’t allow you to shop and go right home, try to plan your errands and activities so the grocery store is the last stop of the day. Remember, leaving fruits and vegetables cooking in the car while you run errands and make “quick stops” can be harmful to you and your family’s health.


Although the above tips were helpful to me as a consumer, you may already know and use this beneficial advice. If you do , that’s great! Keep doing what you’re doing if it’s right.

But keep in mind that there are other factors that determine how well preserved your produce is by the time you’re ready to eat it. Those factors have to do with proper cleaning, storing, and preparation of your fruits of vegetables.

I plan to share a little bit on those topics as well, so be sure to look for my additional stories about proper handling of fruits and vegetables, and feel free to offer feedback.

How Do You Resist the Urge to Give Up On Your Dreams and Goals in Life?

Learn about the 10 self-defeating attitudes to avoid at all cost.

It’s easy to resist negative urges to give up on your dreams and goals in life, when you recogize the self-defeating attitudes that make you want to quit.

Longtime Dreams and Goals

When it comes to our longtime dreams and goals, we don’t always feel encouraged, especially if things don’t seem to come together the way we plan. Of all the emotions that can defeat a person’s productivity, discouragement is one of the primary ones.

For more than half of my life, writing has been my dream, and being a best-selling author became my goal. After years of self publishing, I’m not a best seller yet (I don’t count bestselling status, due to Amazon’s crazy algorithms).

Even though I haven’t reached my ultimate writing goal, I’m continue to write and self-publish, because of my real strong love for writing. But every now and then, I think about just quitting and not trying to become a best-seller.

Is there something in your life that you feel that way about? Everyone has some goal or important objective they want to accomplish in life. Read while I share some informative thoughts about defeat, and what I personally do, to resist the urge to give up on my dreams and goals.

Feelings of Defeat

The beginning of my writing career included blogging, ghost writing, and getting paid for web articles (all of which I still enjoy doing). When I began self-publishing my own ebooks several years ago, I was suddenly in love with another aspect of online writing.

I eventually self-published my first novel and mistakenly believed I was on my way to becoming a best-selling author. WRONG!

For a number of different reasons, (related to the book, the promotion and the marketing), I was really on my way to becoming a former author.

After months of trying endless online activities to gain visibility, I failed to get more than 5 book reviews. I felt defeated. Needless to say, I had the urge to give up.

Prior to being an author, I had suffered previous let downs in the past when it came to my online writing. But those setbacks were nothing compared to the huge letdown that I felt following the release of my first novel.

Now; several years, multiple ebooks, and two additional novels later, I’m still undiscovered. And yes, I’m still striving to become a best-selling author one day, and receive tons of highly coveted reviews.

I know my struggles and career challenges are probably no different from thousands of other writers and people in general. In fact, my situation is about as common as the 10 self-defeating attitudes that everyone should avoid.

The Desire to Flee

That saying about how the tough get going when the going gets tough didn’t originate out of nowhere. I suspect it has something to do with mankind’s inborn fight or flight nature, because in most cases, people usually choose flight.

The urge to give up is always present. Regarding our typical choice to flee in the face of fear, one Psychology Today article asked a question, then responded this way:

Can we consciously condition ourselves to be more active and less passive in the face of fear? I believe the answer is yes.”

That particular article chose to delve into the deeper, more scientific aspects of our brain’s connection to fear (Decoding the Neuroscience of Fear and Fearlessness).

But this article is simply about finding easy and positive ways to counteract negative attitudes that make us want to flee in the first place.

Negative Attitudes to Avoid

Most writers, artists, freelancers and entrepreneurs who are trying to get ahead can relate to feelings of defeat. If I could get paid for the countless times that I wanted (and even tried) to give up along the way, I’d be a very rich woman!

Fortunately, my crazy, persistent, love of writing has prevented me from completely throwing in the towel more times than I can mention.

Over the years, I learned something important about myself. I discovered that I have “10 Self-defeating Attitudes to Avoid at All Costswhen it comes to my online writing career.

#1 I start but then I get distracted

#2 I start something, then forget why It was a good ideal

#3 When it doesn’t go right the first time I say forget it

#4 If things move too slowly I say forget it

#5 If someone else says something negative, I start to get skeptical

#6 I get disappointed when I don’t get the same results as someone else

#7 I get discouraged or suspicious when I find out there’s a cost

#8 I get overwhelmed when I find out what all is required

#9 I change my mind about how much effort and time I want to invest

#10 I run into technical difficulties and quit

As you might imagine, the above statements often lead to feelings of helplessness and can cause you to give up on something you really believe in. This kind of negative thinking will make you quit before you even get started.

Ready to Call it Quits

On your never-ending journey to succeed, you will find that feelings of defeat can creep in from anywhere. This is especially so when you work hard online, pursuing some type of internet business, project, or activity.

Depending on the outcome that you perceive you should get, it’s easy to get into an “instant results” frame of mind. You want everything to happen right now, but it doesn’t, so then what do you do?

Unfortunately, for most creative people, entrepreneurs, and small business startups, success is not instantaneous or an overnight thing.

Many fail to realize this fact when they first begin on their journey. When they do finally realize it, frustration and dissatisfaction have managed to set in.

As defeat begins to creep into your spirit, it doesn’t take much to put you over the edge. One sleepless night, one missed deadline, one bad review, or even one broken link, and all of a sudden, you’re ready to call it quits! You just don’t understand why everyone seems to win but you.

If you want to learn how to resist the urge not to give up, you can’t afford to sing the “everybody succeeds but me” blues. That is precisely the kind of thinking that causes you to sink into a “nothing ever works” state of depression.

You need to give yourself a reality check (everyday if necessary). Remember that you are not alone in your struggles. The truth is, everyone is not succeeding and plenty of people have the same obstacles as you.

More importantly, some of those people are finding ways to move or work around the obstacles, and so can you.

So even when you feel like nothing ever works, if you continue to press forward and implement effective and proven techniques, something will eventually succeed, without a doubt.

Patience is Needed

Whether you have any or not, patience is definitely needed in order to resist the urge to give up when the going starts to get tough. If you happen to be a person short on patience, there is a very good reason why you should start learning to cultivate some, particularly if you work online.

It all has to do with the way things work in the undercurrents of cyber world. Things are not always what they seem, thanks to various algorithms, the cloud, and the use of unwavering search engines. You can’t just give up on your efforts to achieve your goals.

If you’re patient, it may take time, but your online activities could eventually become fruitful. You might just discover (much later on) that something you already put in motion is actually working to your benefit.

Don’t underestimate your previous blog or web articles, social media posts, or promotional videos and marketing ads. These things might take time to penetrate the right audience.

Many times, the positive online results that you are hoping for don’t happen right away. Sometimes the results may not be clear and easy to recognize. In my own case, there were lots of times that I stopped performing certain book marketing activities. I would simply run out of patience, and discontinue what I was doing.

Then I’d do some other marketing activity and eventually give up on that too. By the time I started getting positive results, not only had I stopped the activities, but I had no way of knowing which ones had really worked.

Patience would have prevented me from quitting useful activities prematurely. It would have also enabled me to recognize which activities were successful, so I could duplicate my efforts and improve on my success.

Mental Barriers & Obstacles

In my experience, I’ve found that having a lack of patience is often a common obstacle to successfully achieving a goal. Sad to say, there are many other mental barriers, including some very particular self-defeating attitudes.

But there are also some effective ways to help you remove or go around the obstacles that mentally block your path. In order to do this, you must be able to identify exactly what you are experiencing when negativity tries to creep in.

It stands to reason that before you can ever address a solution, you need to have a clear understanding of the specific problem or obstacle you’re dealing with. If you don’t identify what the actual issue is, you cannot determine the solution.

For example, whenever something doesn’t go according to plan, it is easy to get into a nothing seems to be working frame of mind. The reality is: Something in particular didn’t go according to plan. That is not the same as nothing at all is going according to plan. Can you see the difference in the mindset here?

Learning to focus on the particular obstacle and challenge at hand (one thing at a time) is mandatory if you want to resist the urge to give up.

Whether you’re a writer or author, a freelancer of some kind, or a business entrepreneur; you should do a self-analysis on a regular and consistent basis. Teaching yourself to recognize and tackle one obstacle at a time can help chase away the “I’m ready to give up” blues.

Taking Control

Thanks to my list of avoidable self-defeating attitudes, I’ve been able to overcome the feeling of wanting to give up. My dream of being a best-selling author is still my primary objective and focal point and gaining visibility is still hard. So yes, I still get discouraged at times.

But instead of giving in to the urge to give up, I consult my list whenever I feel myself getting off balance, or starting to feel defeated. I remind myself that what I’m experiencing is a distinct self-defeating attitude that I have the power to control and avoid.

Using my list, I scan and try to zero in on which attitude currently applies to how I’m feeling. I ask myself: “What is wrong with ME right now?” This question doesn’t refer to the actual problem or setback that I might be dealing with, such as: My book sales were low this month, my webpage is loading too slow, no one has reviewed my latest book.

Technically, these are issues that are not completely within my control, so I force myself to keep my radar on what’s actually in my power to fix.


An article I read recently by Thomas Oppong is titled: “Without a Plan, You Do What’s Passive and Easy.” This writer did a great job of stressing the importance of planning, if you truly want to make real progress. His article stated:

“A feeling of control motivates us to act, according to research.”

I couldn’t help thinking how true this is, even when it comes to the way we choose to deal with our personalities and mood swings. My list provides me with a concrete plan of action so I know how to handle the bad days that come and go.

Now, instead of getting myself worked up about a problem that is out of my control at the time, I try to focus on fixing my frame of mind. Maybe, I can’t do anything about making my website load faster or increasing book sales and reviews.

But until things change for the better, I can definitely do something about keeping the right attitude when setbacks occur. Now I’m convinced that I can resist the urge to give up.